Friday
by charah.tastic
Summary: You know what Remus hates about Padfoot and Prongs? They always manage to make everything about themselves. This time, they've turned Remus's problem into a detention marathon! Read, Review, Enjoy.
1. The Bet

**A/N: I wrote this whi****le having dinner with my dad's family. Between the polite nods and the anecdotes, my personal plot dragons attacked yet again. If you were to ask someone how they would describe me, they're likely to say, 'Charah has blond hair, freckles, hazel eyes, she only wears skirts and dresses, and she always carries a notebook around.' It's who I am xD Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling doesn't have freckles (H)**

Remus came into the Gryffindor common room sullen and irritated. He slumped into the nearest armchair and sighed dramatically. Sirius looked up from snogging his current girlfriend, Nyree. 'What's the matter, Moony?'

'I got detention,' he said, rummaging through his bag, and pulling out a planner. He checked a day off, and exclaimed, 'That's the fourth one since September!'

Sirius laughed and clapped his friend on the back. 'Congratulations! Detentions are no big deal, mate. Why, I just got three this week alone!'

James popped his head up from behind Remus, giving him a start. 'Three? That's it? I've got all of next week! Apparently, transfiguring Snape into a snake is not helping out with house pride. Or, lack thereof. Huh.'

Sirius let go of Nyree altogether, and jumped towards James. 'Oh yeah? Well I once spent every Thursday for three months doing lines for McGonagall!'

'We spent that one together. That was for declaring a 'Ride Your Broomsticks Indoors' day,' interjected Remus.

'Whatever. I bet I got more detentions than you last year,' sneered James. 'I got 47.'

'I got too much to count,' smirked Sirius triumphantly, earning a high-five from James. Remus rolled his eyes and shared a look with Nyree. She returned the look, and went to her respective dormitory. James and Sirius continued their argument uninterrupted.

'Well, I bet you can't get detention by every single teacher by next Friday,' stated James confidently.

'I so can. You're the one who can't,' replied Sirius. 'And to show you I'm not bluffing, I'll give you full, 100% ownership of the Map if you can.'

'Fine. And if you can, my Cloak is your Cloak,' agreed James, and they shook on it. 'It's a dare.'

Remus -feeling so much better about his wee little detention, compared to all the detentions James and Sirius were bound to get- smiled contentedly. 'I feel like I should put an end to this… eh.'

**A/N: **oooh, it's so on! Curious about the challenge? Review!

I'm pleased to report that you can now follow me on twitter, at CharahxD.

Pickles!

Charah ;D


	2. Spitwick

**A/N: thanks to AnglsFireNIce for her review. This rapid update is for you :)**

**Disclaimer: In Egyptian, 'it's not mine' means 'mish beta3y' :D**

The Charms classroom was, as usual, loud. Professor Flitwick had to bellow several times to get everyone's attention. When he had them, he began to explain today's lesson. 'Today, class, we shall be going back to our first year spells, such as _Wingardium Leviosa_ and such. The catch? We will be attempting to perform them _Non-Verbally_. That means without uttering the spell. Right, then, off you go.'

The class was full of whispers and coughs and air-jabbing. Nearing the end of the lesson, only Lily, Remus, and a Hufflepuff named Petra were the only ones who had mastered the spell. James and Sirius were starting to panic about not getting a detention from Professor Flitwick. That is, until James got an idea. He turned to Sirius and whispered, 'Might as well hand over the Map now,' before he turned to Professor Flitwick. 'Professor! Look! I think I got the spell!'

'Oh, jolly good! Give us a look, Potter,' said Professor Flitwick, bouncing over.

James inclined his head, cleared his throat, and stared right at Professor Flitwick in deep concentration. Sure enough, the tiny professor was lifted above the ground- only, upside down, hanging as though suspended by the ankle. The class burst out in gales of laughter while Flitwick was sputtering words at James. 'POTTER! Let me down! Double homework! Double detention! Idiot!'

James pretended to look scandalised as he let his teacher down. 'I'm so sorry Professor! I thought I had it!'

Sirius was infuriated. Or, he would have been if he wasn't laughing so hard. Still, he would not let James get all the glory. He therefore turned to the fuming teacher and called, 'Hey Professor Spitwick! Your wig's lopsided!'

The class burst into more laughter, and Sirius landed himself chamber pot duty for the weekend alongside James. They were both slapping eachother hihg-fives, while Remus banged his head repeatedly on his desk. 'I-Can't-Believe-They're-Actually-Doing-This.'

**A/N: well, there you go. Charms down, like 50 more classes to go! Read, Review, follow CharahxD**

**Pickles!**

**Charah ;D**


	3. Horny Slug

**A/N: So far, still only one reviewer. Sigh. Anyways, here's chapter three. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: My chapters are like 300 words long. Jk Rowling's are like 300 **_**pages**_** long xD**

James and Sirius were both rather nervous as the were both lead into the potions classroom by a jovial Professor Slughorn.

James turned to Sirius and quietly whispered,' This one's gonna be tough, mate. He idolizes us too much. How are we supposed to get him to give us detention?'

'You're right!' replied Sirius. 'This is the one class that we never got detention in. Bugger.'

James was about to reply, when Slughorn cleared his throat for attention. 'Well, good afternoon everyone! Today, I thought we might have a little bit of fun. I'm giving you free reign. Make any potion you like. Surprise me. Fifty house points to the student who manages to brew a hiccough solution _without_ looking at your books. Off you go!'

There was a lot of shuffling and rushing to the ingredients cabinet from the Hufflepuffs, who desperately needed as many points as possible. They had lost all Quidditch games this year, and were looking desperately for any way to scrape up the odd point or two. Sirius and James snickered as they took out their supplies, and lit fires under their cauldrons.

'Excellent,' mumbled Sirius, flipping through his idea notebook, and landing on a page. 'A golden opportunity to try out my new poison.'

Remus gave Sirius a look. 'Is this what you've been doing in the library for the past week? I knew it couldn't be anything innocent.'

Sirius ignored that jibe, and began getting ingredients. 'Let's see... bat's eyes, dog nails, a fly wing, skele-shrink, blah blah blah... Snape's hair. Hm. Hey, Prongs. Disctract Snivelly when I give you the signal, okay? Okay.'

James shrugged while Sirius slipped away. He gave James a thumbs up, and James bellowed, 'STINKY!' Half the class looked up, including Snape, and Sirius plucked a hair and glided back unnoticed. James grinned at all of them. 'Hah-hah, you're all stinky!'

Everyone rolled their eyes and mutteredwords like 'immature' and 'childish'. Sirius thanked James, and began brewing his potion. The brown fumes rising from his cauldron were putrid and foul. The whole class was shooting Sirius nasty looks and coughing pointedly, and Lily and Remus had changed tables altogether. Sirius, however, was completely oblivious as he was humming 'Something Wicked This Way Comes'. He stirred in the last of the bat eyes, took a deep breath, and gingerly dropped in Snape's hair. The potion sat still for a second, then-

**BOOM!**

All of a sudden, large brown cockroaches exploded out of the cauldron, flying everywhere. They landed in hair, cauldrons, schoolbags, and cauldrons. All the girls were screaming and jumping around frantically, trying to shake the roaches out of their hair. Sirius, meanwhile, was grinning smugly at his cauldron. 'Well what do you know? Snape really _is_ a cockroach!'

Slughorn, however, was not amused. He bounded over to where Sirius stood grinning. 'What is the meaning of this, Mr Black? What potion is this?'

Sirius snapped out of his reverie and shook his head like a dog to get the bugs out. 'Well, sir, it's a potion of my own invention. The ingredients are two bat eyes, six drops of skele-shrink, a mandrake root, a dog toe nail, three and a half dung beetles, and a strand of Snape's hair. Brilliant, sir, isn't it?'

Slughorn's eyes seemed to pop out of his head as he strated at Sirius. His mouth was opening and closing like a fish, but no words were coming out. Snape let loose a quiet stream of profanity. Slughorn regained his composure, and lashed out at Sirius. 'It is _NOT_ brilliant. It is disgusting. You will write an apology to Mr Snape, clean up this class _without_ magic, and report back to me for your detention.'

The class was snickering at Sirius's punishment. Sirius, however, was positively beaming and whistled while he picked up the cockroaches. James was not happy. He would not let Sirius get all the glory, so he called, 'Hey, Professor Horny Slug! There's a roach nest on your stomach!'

'Quite witty, Mr Potter. You know, I've been looking for someone to sort out the good flobberworms from the bad ones. I think you would do wonderfully. Detention, seven o'clock. Class _dismissed_.' He retorted, before stopping at Lily and Remus's cauldrons. 'One hundred points to Gryffindor. Hmph.'

**A/N:** **You might have noticed that there's no Peter. I don't want him in this story, you see. I have issues against him. J'ai deteste :) As always, read, review, follow CharahxD :)**

**Pickles!**

**Charah ;D**


	4. McBarnacle

**A/N: Honestly, I think this'll be my last one with a teacher's name parody. My imagination has run dry. But don't worry; there are still a lot of chapters to go****! Also, my suggestion box has officially opened! Yaaaay!**

**Disclaimer: Moi, je ne suis pas JK Rowling. ****Je suis une fille obsédée. Tres obsédée xD**

xxx

Remus was pleading quietly with James and Sirius outside the Transfiguration classroom. 'I am on my knees, guys, _please_ don't do anything stupid!'

'Stop worrying, Moony. McGonagall has it out for us. This really won't take more than a forgotten assignment or something,' said Sirius, patting Remus's shoulder consolingly. Remus sighed, and wondered what trauma the boys had gone through that made them want to compete for detentions.

Unfortunately, Lily's head perked up in their direction. She frowned, and made her way towards them. James smiled at her drunkenly. She walked right past him. 'Black, what _exactly_ are you talking about?' she demanded, her hands on her hips.

Sirius scoffed. 'Like I'm going to tell you, Evans.'

She raised her eyebrow, and smiled smugly. 'Oh, really?' She turned to James, who was very close to drooling. She drew up very close to him, and tickled his ear with her breath. 'Jamesss…' she whispered as he gulped heavily. 'What iss it that you're uppp to?'

He answered immediately. 'We're seeing who can get the most detentions by Friday!'

Lily drew away, looking scandalized. 'What?! That's just plain stupid! Whatever happened to good old pie eating contests, or reading marathons? Merlin, that just plain stupid!'

Sirius rolled his eyes as McGonagall let them in. 'You just _had_ to fall for her sexuality traps, didn't you?'

James shrugged, still looking vacant. 'She was so close to me…'

'Get a grip, mate!' exclaimed Sirius, slapping James a few times, and looking hopefully at Professor McGonagall. She was glaring right back, along with the whole class.

'If you would be kind enough to find your seat, Black, and come back to Earth, Potter, we have a lesson to get to,' snapped McGonagall. The boys took their seats in the second row behind Lily and Alice. Lily kept shooting James and Sirius furtive looks over her shoulder, and they looked back with wide-eyed innocence. Halfway through the class, James and Sirius decided to begin tormenting McGonagall.

First, they tried singing.

'Fly me to the star, let me play among the moons!' sang Sirius.

'Black, if you're going to sing, sing it right,' said McGonagall, passing by.

Next, they tried being annoying.

'Padfoot!'

'Prongs!'

Padfoot!'

'Prongs!'

'Padfoot!'

'Prongs!'

'SHUT UP!'

They were starting to get desperate. Nothing seemed to break McGonagall. It was almost as if she was wise to their game! They decided to play all their cards. Sirius ran up to her, took the hat off her head, and danced around her shaking it while she made grabs for it.

'Black, grow up and give me my hat back! Oh, bullocks to this. _Petrificus Totalus!'_

Sirius froze, and she swiped her hat out of his hands. She let him go, and he dashed back to his desk, whimpering.

'Lily, will you go out with me?!' demanded James.

'_No!'_

'Potter, leave her alone,' commanded McGonagall.

'Legilim-' started Sirius.

'Don't even _think_ about it, Black.'

'Professor McBarnacle, can I go to the bathroom?' asked James.

McGonagall sighed. 'Really, Potter? Is that the best you have? If you two want detentions so dreadfully, then just _take _them.' She walked away, shaking her head. 'Teenagers these days…'

**A/N: my reviews page is acting up, and mine's not the only one, sadly. So, I apologize for ignoring your reviews… I just haven't read them yet. Anyways, thanks for reading! Now, review! **

**Pickles!**

**Charah ;D**


	5. Gout

**A/N: This one's for IceFireNAngles who wanted Herbology next. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: If I had written Harry Potter, I would rename it **_**The Marauders**_**. =]**

xxx

James was _late_. When he woke up, the dormitory was completely deserted. He checked the time, and exclaimed, 'Holy Venomous Tentacula! Sprout's gonna eat me alive!' He jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom and brushed his teeth so hard and fast that his gums were bleeding. He ran back his dormitory and threw his robes on, when he suddenly stopped. Why should he be rushing? This would earn him a detention, _guaranteed_. He grinned to himself, and took his time dressing. He tied his laces riduculously slowly, and he even trimmed his nails. He then took his bag, and took a leisurely stroll to the greenhouses.

'Black, you liar!' exclaimed Professor Sprout as James walked in.

'Excuse me?' asked James, amused.

'Black was going on about how you were not able to show up because you had a... masculine problem,' explained Sprout, looking at James sympathetically. 'Take your seat, Potter.'

James shot Sirius a filthy look and sat beside Remus. 'You'll pay for that one you filthy little cheater,' he hissed under his breath.

'Yeah, like I didn't notice that your alarm was off,' Sirius hissed back.

James and Sirius glared at eachother and spent most of the class getting eachother out of trouble. The first episode was when James tried forcing Alihotsy* leaves down Sirius's throat. Professor Sprout caught him. 'Potter! Let Black go! He's hysterical enough as it is!'

James sropped Sirius reluctantly. 'That should have gotten me Mandrake duty for a week!'

Sirius turned to James seriously. 'Prongs, maybe the teachers have been congregating and gossiping about us behind our backs!'

'You're right! And they're beating us at our own game!' replied James, his eyes wide. He banged his fist on the table, and exclaimed, ' We have to put an end to this madness!'

Professor Sprout peered over at James. 'Are you sure you're alright, there, Potter?'

James gave a heavy sigh, and smacked Sirius on the back of the head. '_That's_ for telling everyone I have _masculine problems_.'

Sirius accepted that as fair, and he and James continued pruning the rather violent Fanged Geranium**. It bit them a few times, causing them to swear loudly to the extreme annoyance of Lily. 'Evans, will you go out with me?' asked James casually.

Lily pretended to think about it for the moment. 'Hmm, Remus, what do you think?'

'Oh, definately, Lily. You know you deserve the most immature boy in Hogwarts as your boyfriend,' reasoned Remus, weighing dragon fertilizer. Sirius cleared his throat, and Remus corrected himself. 'Oh, forgive me, I meant _one_ of the most immature boys at Hogwarts. Silly me.'

'You're absolutely right, Remus. _No_ Potter, I will _not_ go out with you. So stop asking me you annoying little sack of dragon dung!' screeched Lily. The whole class dropped what they were doing and stared at Lily.

'Miss Evans, as much as this pains me... Detention,' sighed Professor Sprout from the front of the class. Everyone, including James and Sirius, gasped loudly. Lily's face turned red, and she buried her face in her hands. James now made it his personal mission to not only get detention with Lily, but to prevent Sirius from joining them as well. He literally threw himself out there in wild desperation.

'Professor Gout, have you ever heard of a brush or a manicure?' asked James loudly.

She turned and looked at him in surprise. 'It's pronounced Sprout, Potter. And no, I haven't. Are they things I should know about?'

'Aaaagh!' exclaimed James, running his hand through his hair. 'Lily go out with me! I am on my knees!'

'No, Potter, shut up!' she hissed, hiding behind Remus's arm.

James was jumping up and down and shaking his hands. Sirius grinned at him. 'Mate, you look gay.' James stared at him, and suddenly his face broke in an ear-to-ear grin. He grabbed Sirius's wrist and dragged him to the back of the class where all the Venomous Tentacula were kept. He grabbed Sirius's yelping head, and was about to shove it in, when -

_**'POTTER!**_ WHAT ON _EARTH_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!' roared Professor Sprout, charging at James. He dropped Sirius.

'It looked hungry,' explained James smally.

'Well this little stunt of yours earned you a week's detention!' She walked away, dismissing the class. She turned around for one last look at James, who was dancing victoriously infront of a sullen looking Sirius.

**A/N: well, there you have it! Herbology! Hope you liked this! Reviews are appreciated, suggestions are welcome, flames are **_**banned**_**. :D**

***Alihotsy: eating Alihotsy leaves will cause hysteria**

****Fanged Geranium: this plant bites humans**

**Pickles!**

**Charah ;D**


	6. The Hooking Up of Cuthbert

**A/N: Alright, I know I promised DADA to some of you, but I wanted to get this one up first. And, most unfortunately, this is the end of name parodies. The **_**real**_** one. Now it's all silly shenanigans. Too bad. xD**

**Disclaimer: JK Rowling has billions of dollars. Me? I have enough to feed myself for two days.**

**This one's for Finwitch1. Hope this surpasses your expectations! :D **

**PS: You know the song **_**Moi Je Joue **_**by Brigitte Bardot? Imagine that song playing in the background for this whole fic. It was my inspiration for this. **

xxx

James and Sirius were sprawled on the floor in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room, with notebooks and a list of all the female ghosts of Hogwarts. They were drowned in work and ideas and bullet points, that James did not even notice Lily come in, and Sirius did not notice his latest girlfried, Kiralee, call his name loads of times. In the end, Remus had to come in and lead her away, telling her that when Sirius and James were birthing a prank, only the Marauders exist in the world. She hmphed, and stomped away. Remus knelt beside Sirius and James, who were talking about the Grey Lady.

'I don't know, I think she's a six. Tops,' said James, chewing on the end of his quill.

'Um, Sirius? I think you're going to have to find a new girlfriend,' said Remus timidly.

'Moony, does that contribute to what we are doing now? No. So don't bother me with your nonesense,' snapped Sirius.

Remus pulled a list from under James's wrist. 'Erm, what is it that you're doing, exactly?'

James tugged the list from Remus's hands. 'Don't _touch_ anything, Moony! You'll disrupt the natural balance of this plan!'

Remus sighed, and bent his head low. 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Happy? Now tell me what's going on.'

Sirius and James grinned, and made Remus lay down with them, and whispered their secret plan, then giggling like second year girls. Remus let a hysterical giggle, and sobered up. 'How will you pull this off? Half these ghosts would _never _agree to this!'

'Or so you _think_, Remmy-poo. Or so you _think_,' grinned Sirius, rolling up his parchment scrolls.

xxx

The next day, Lily was talking to Marlene McKinnon outside the History of Magic classroom about the weird giggling session coming from the Marauders last night. 'They were _obviously_ up to something, Mar. Potter fails to notice me only when an idea of mass epicness is being created,' concluded Lily, walking into the History of Magic classroom.

'Yeah, and Black only turns down a snog session when he's up to something. I must say, Kiralee was pretty upset last night,' observed Marlene, sitting down in the front row beside Genevieve Prewett. Remus came in and sat beside Lily in the second row. James and Sirius were not with him, Lily observed this, and stared at Remus suspiciously.

'Where are they?' she demanded in a low whisper as Professor Binns came in through the blackboard. He began droning about the giant wars of 1871 as the students got into comfortable napping positions. Remus shrugged innocently, and he focused his attention on the wizened professor. Five minutes into the class, Lily gave up and assumed that James and Sirius had decided that it wouldn't hurt to take one day off of History of Magic, and she envied them.

All of a sudden, the door burst open, and the missing two Marauders flew in, standing before the startled Professor Binns. 'Perkins, White. You're late. Please take your seats,' he said, monotonously.

James and Sirius, however, refused. James went and stood beside Professor Binns, and put his arm around him. Well, he did so without actually touching the ghost. 'My dear Cuthbert*, you are overworked. You are lonely. You are boring. You need a life. We - Padfoot and myself- have therefore arranged a little match up for you. Mr Padfoot, bring in the lovely ladies please!

Sirius grinned. 'Certainly, Mr Prongs!' He turned his to the door, and called 'Lady number one, come in, please!'

A plump little ghost floated in, beaming almost maniacally, as though trying to hold in her laughter. Sirius showcased her. 'Here we have Haleigha Keddle, born 1781. She enjoys classical music, and Fifi LaFolle's renowned series, Enchanted Encounters. Give us a twirl, Haleigha!'

Haleigha let a giggle escape, twirled once, and left the room. Professor Binns stood dumbstruck, and for once, the whole class was wide awake and ridiculously interested in what was going on. Sirius continued, 'Thank you, Haleigha! Next, we have Eowyn Spore, born 1881. She enjoys watching Charms lessons and Quidditch matches, and she speaks English, Japanese, Hebrew, and Finnish. Give us a twirl, Eowyn!'

Eowyn was a tall, slender, and beautiful ghost with long silver hair. She glided in looking slighty irritated, spared a smile for the mirthed students, and glided out and as far away from the History of Magic hall as possible. The class laughed, and Lily moaned, 'Oh my God. They're going to die. Oh my God,' while banging her head on her desk.

James grinned as he motioned for Sirius to call in the last candidate. 'Alright, Professor Binns, you're in for a lovely treat, you are. Come on in Prudence!'

Prudence was easily the _ugliest_ ghost anyone had ever seen. Clearly everyone thought so as they wrinkled their noses in distaste, and giggled at her. Prudence floated in wearing a long rainbow dress and a Bellatrix-like black wig. 'Prudence has been around since the beginning of Hogwarts. She enjoys sneaking up on people, pulling up rugs from under people, writing profanity on black boards and such other shenanigans.'

'Isn't that...Peeves?' whispered Genevieve to Marlene.

'Guess Hogwarts really doesn't have that many female ghosts,' replied Marlene.

'Can't believe they actually convinced Peeves to put on a dress,' commented Remus to the girls.

'Are you kidding me? It's Peeves! I bet he's been dying for an excuse to put on a dress for _ages_,' said Genevieve.

Peeves was now doing a series of poses, which included hanging upside down, looking like a trucker model, leaning forward to give the effect of having breasts, etc. He swayed his hips on the way out, giving the class one last look. Everyone was now roaring with laughter, slapping their thighs, and wiping tears of mirth from their eyes. Professor Binns shook himself, and recovered.

'Peakes and White, what I do in my spare time is _none _of your concern. Detention!' exclaimed Binns, in what would have been considered yelling amongst a flock of birds, maybe, but students in the back could barely hear. James and Sirius high fived, and made their way to their usual seats in the back of the class, shaking hands and taking a few bows.

xxx

Later on, after class as Binns was in his office staring at the clock, he sighed. 'Maybe I _should_ look up Eowyn...'

**A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I can't **_**believe **_**that I'm going to be in Kuwait tomorrow! *squeal!* Show me you love me by leaving me a review.**

***Cuthbert really **_**is**_** Professor Binns's real name. I looked it up. Anne of Green Gables, much? xD**

**Pickles!**

**Charah ;D**


	7. Innocence

**A/N: I'm watching Coraline as I write this. It's so weird, don't you just love it? Lol anyways, this one's for all of you who **_**demanded**_** DADA. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: You know you're not JK Rowling when you giggle at the Gay Dumbledore poster above your bed...**

**PS: Just to clarify.. the bet was made on February 5. The deadline is February 14. Gives us all a little more time...**

xxx

James and Sirius were walking down the deserted Charms corrider on Saturday, trading ideas about what Flitwick was going to give them for detention. James was convinced it was lines, but Sirius was sure that it had to be something humiliating, like sweeping the floors or cleaning the bathrooms.

'Idiot, he can't make us clean the loos. That'll piss off the House Elves!' exclaimed James as though it was the most obvious thing.

'Evening, boys,' came a voice from in front of them.

The boys jumped back a foot, and sighed in relief when they saw their young and beloved Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Innocence, standing before them with an eyebrow raised and hands on her hips. 'I believe you should be in your common rooms right now, yes?'

'We've got detention!' Sirius exclaimed, beaming.

'Really, Sirius? And is that something you're proud of?' she demanded.

'Oh, uh, no, of course not,' said Sirius shiftily.

Innocence grinned. 'Liars. I know what you're up to. You're having a detention marathon!'

'Dammit! How'd you know?!' asked James incredulously.

'What goes on in the classroom comes to the staff room, James. If you want to get detention in my class, you'll have to _earn_ it. Show me you deserve it, and not by swearing or asking Lily out or sticking someone's head in a weird and counterproductive plant. Do something _outrageous_, boys. Impress me. Only then will you earn your status as Detention King,' she said in an unearthly voice, and bowing out of their sight.

'Mr Prongs would like to point out that it's too bad the Defence post is cursed,' sighed James as he knocked on Flitwick's door.

Sirius nodded solemnly. 'Mr Padfoot rather likes Professor Odelia Innocence. He gives her an eight.'

'Ugh, you're disgusting. She's a professor. They're off-limits,' huffed James. They carried their discussion no furthur as Flitwick opened his office door.

'Ah, excellent boys, right on time,' he said, reaching for something. He pulled out two brooms and two dustpans. 'Filch tells me that the Grand Hall has been looking a bit dusty. Perhaps you could give him a hand. Or two. I'll come to check on you in an hour. And _no_ Magic.'

As they handed over their wands reluctantly and made their way to the Hall, Sirius drew his arm around James, and gave him a squeeze. 'Suck that, Prongsie. Suck that.'

'Kiss my ass, Padsie. Kiss my ass,' mumbled James, to the outrage of a few portraits.

'OI, there are ladies present, bloke!'

xxx

The next day in Defence Against the Dark arts, innocence had all the desks pused to the sides to make a clear space in the room. She had everyone choose a partner and line up accross from eachother. James and Sirius were partnered up, beside Remus and Lily.

'Alright, guys. Settle down, settle down. HEY, NYREE, I SAID SHUT IT! Good. So, today, guys, I'll be breaking the law. The ministry says that I can't teach you defensive magic, I say bullshit. You're not going to have Dumbledore or McGonagall or Fudge walking with you every step of the way, so you're going to learn how to save yourselves when the Death Eaters come-a-knocking. I'm not going to teach you Unforgivable curses, Frank, so save it. I'm just going to teach you the easy stuff, but they're still pretty cool to know. Right, then, a volunteer pair? Remus, Lily, you come up here.'

The two went, rather nervously, to where their teacher was standing. She smiled at them. 'Right, guys, I won't put you through much torture. You're just going to practice a simple disarming spell on each other. The incantation is _Expelliarmus_. Say it with me, guys, _Expelliarmus_. That's right. Okay, Lily, ladies first.'

Lily cleared her throat as she aimed her wand at Remus. '_Expelliarmus!'_ she exclaimed, and Remus's wand flew right out his hand. Innocence clapped Lily on the back, and sent her and Remus back to their spots. The class practiced that until Innocence approved them for Disarming. 'Okay, guys, stop. Stop! LUCIUS, I SAID STOP!Okay. Next, we have the Impediment Jinx. What this spell does is it slows down or stops your opponent altogether. The incantation is _Impedimenta._ Say it with me, guys, _Impedimenta_. Alright, volunteer pair... Gen and Marlene.'

Genevieve and Marlene came forward confidently. 'Okar, Marlene, you're going to hit Gen. Gen, you need to be walking or something,' said Innocence, stepping back with the class. Genevieve took a few steps back, then came running at Marlene, who shouted, _'Impedimenta!'_ Immediately, Genevieve slowed down as though running throgh water. She looked ridiculously frustrated, but the curse was lifted before she had a chance to get particularly upset. They went back to their places, and the class practiced this spell for a little while longer. They did the Revulsion Jinx, Shield Charm, The Body-Binding Curse, Stunning Spell, and the Confundus Charm.

With fifteen minutes left for class, Innocence's eyes had a twinkle to them as she called a volunteer pair to 'duel it out'. Coincidentally, she picked James and Sirius. 'Come on up here guys, and show us what you've leard today.'

James and Sirius willingly agreed, and hopped to it. They were doing excellently for a few minutes, when Sirius got particularly offended by a stunner from James. He cast a Finger Removing spell at James, and James sent a Jelly-Brain jinx back. The hexes went back and forth, and soon, Innocence had to break it up.

'BOYS! BREAK IT UP! JAMES! SIRIUS! _**BOOOYS!**_Do you remember me teaching you the Jelly Legs Jinx, the Hair Thickening Charm, the Stretching Jinx, the Trip Jinx, the Hurling Hex, _or _ the Knee Reversing Hex? Because _I _certainly don't. Detention _and_ homework. You will each write an essay on every jinx you've used, it's origins, it's effects, and so on, to be handed in by Monday. Now get out of here before you manage to find a way to annoy me even more!'

xxx

**A/N: well, there it is. The thing about Innocence is that she's great, but she's got insane mood swings. Don't tread on her pedicured toes, or she **_**will**_** go beserk. Also, I'm going to Kuwait tomorrow, so this might be my last update for a while. IDK. **

**Thanks for reading, now review!**

**Pickles,**

**Charah ;D**


	8. We Failed With Flying Colours

**A/N: Hello! I just came back from vacation and started my senior year yesterday.... so now you know why I haven't been updating xD. Well, here's a new chapter, dedicated to Love Among the Ruins...I hope you enjoy it. And, as always, don't forget to review!**

A bright, sunny Wednesday morning finds our Marauders holed up in their common room, studying for that night's Astrology exam. Well, at least one Marauder was, anyway. The other two were looking wistfully out the window, sighing sadly, their plagiarized notes open half-heartedly on their laps.

'She knew that today would be a good day. that's why she made the exam tonight. She's so....sinister,' sighed Sirius.

'You have an obsession with name puns, Padfoot,' mumbled James, with a half glance at his best mate.

Sirius turned to James and explained earnestly, ' Look at what I have for a name, Prongs. This was life's gift to me: a license to make fun of people's names. You have a license to make fun of people's hair, and Moony's got a license to make fun of people's...erm.. well, it's hard to tell, because Remus's got so many problems.'

Remus glared at Sirius. 'Thanks, mate. I hope you know that we're sorted alphabetically for the exam, so I can't possibly help you. Sorry.'

Sirius and James shared a look, and immediately set off to work for the rest of the spare period. (Well, almost. A certain redhead had traded notes with Remus, sending James into hyperventilation mode, while a brunette fourth year took some of Sirius' time for a mini snog session before their next class. But, you get what I mean.)

**xXx**

That night, at aroung ten minutes to midnight, the Gryffindor sixth-years made their way to the highest Astronomy tower. Professor Sinistra had arranged sixteen telescopes alphabetically, and handed out empty star charts as the students took their places.

The tall, dark witch set an hourglass on a stand. 'Alright, students. You have exactly two hours to fill out your individual charts. Do _not_ let me catch you cheating, or I'll hex you so hard you'll become a zodiac sign. Do I make myself clear?' Everyone mumbled their consent, and she gave the signal to begin.

The students all began swivelling their telescopes and scribbling down star names and constellations and such on their charts. James and Sirius were doing well, albeit Sirius had 'accidentally' let his miscroscope swivel over to Lily's chart a few times. The last time, he caught Lily's outraged face, and immediately turned it back to the night sky. Meanwhile, James had finished naming all the stars that shared names with Sirius' relatives, and was now resorting to making up names, or taking random guesses. It ought to be noted, though, that some of his stars were named _Lilyflower_, _Lilliana, Big Red Lily, _and _Small Green Lily_.

With half an hour left in the Exam, many students had their charts 75% filled, and were now panicking about the ones they didn't know or couldn't find. James and Sirius, on the other hand, had given up altogether, and were now secretly plotting ways to kill time. Sirius' face lighted up and -checking to make sure that Professor Sinistra wasn't behind him- he pulled out his wand and pointed it into the sky. A bright red flash exloped, startling most of the students. Professor Sinistra jumped, and looked around to catch the culprit, but so was everyone else.

'Settle down, you've only twenty minutes left,' she called loudly over the commotion. James grinned at Sirius quickly, and copied his move, releasing gold sparks. Within five minutes, the sky was filled with yellow, orange, purple, green, red, blue, silver, and technicolour explosions. James and Sirius had gotten caught up in the moment, and were no longer hiding the fact that they were the culprits. The were jumping up and down and laughing like little kids, releasing sparks from the wands like birds flying out of an opened cage. Sirius had just released a particularly garish firework, when Professor Sinistra caught them.

'SIRIUS BLACK! JAMES POTTER! WHAT ON _EARTH_ ARE YOU DOING?!' she screeched.

James an Sirius dropped their arms, and looked around them. Everyone was staring at them, open-mouthed, their star charts completely forgotten on the ground.

Professor Sinistra was waiting for an explanation. 'Well?!'

'Oh. Well, you see, Professor, the...erm..' stuttered James.

'The sky looked so boring without all the pretty colours, Professor Sinister,' explained Sirius.

'The sky? Boring? How dare you use those words in the same sentence!' roared Professor Sinistra. 'DETENTION! You'll be writing lines. Write _The sky is not boring_... ONE THOUSAND TIMES! Class DISMISSED! Turn in your star charts! The sky.. boring! HA!'

James and Sirius grinned at each other, and handed in their incomplete charts. 'I'm still in the lead,' observed James, earning a punch in the shoulder by Sirius.

**A/N: So, there's this great band called Owl City.. they're really good. They write feel-good music. And for any die-hard romantics who are as single as me, I recommend The Young Victoria. Great movie :)**

**Charah ;D**


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